April 23, 2006...

I realize this a day early, but I want tomorrow to be a different day than it has been for the last 3 years...so here it is.
I have not ever felt as though I was at a place to share my heart, to share my experience, to put myself in that place again…until now. I feel like God has been preparing me to share how He has carried me from the beginning of this journey.

Great is His faithfulness…

We left Kansas City that Friday in a rush, I couldn’t wait to go “home” and see all the people that I loved. We stayed with Jenny and Eric, ate Mall Deli with Amy and had a great time at Julie’s wedding. I remember thinking that things really couldn’t get much better. It was a beautiful day and we got to see so many of our friends. Ian and Josiah went out by the lake and “skipped stones” and I just watched and smiled at the interaction of the two of them. So many days since I have wished that in that next 24 hours I would have done so many things different…

God is faithful.

Sunday we ate with the Jamesons and ran by to see the Walmart crew (Ian’s friends). We left Pittsburg and I put a blanket in Josiah’s window so he could sleep without the sun bothering him. Ian thought it was a little premature, but I didn’t want to have to stop again. After about 15 minutes I got so tired that I laid the seat back and fell asleep. Again the part that I wish I had done differently

God is faithful.

I will never know what happened in the next 45 minutes. I woke up feeling like I had been punched in the chest and I started yelling at Ian and I looked at Josiah and thought he was still sleeping, thinking we were all fine. I called Sarah and told her to start driving to pick us up, not realizing it wasn't going to be that easy. I thought that it was just our car and we would just need a ride back home. I called Mom and Dad, and I called 911. Little did I know that 911 had already been called since I had been unconscious for 20 minutes. A woman (Debbie) came to my side and started talking to me as Josiah started screaming. I told her to go to him, and she began to pray over him and try to stop his bleeding. I kept trying to wake Ian up and then I started to panic, I thought about health insurance and what if Ian's really hurt bad, or Josiah, is he ok? But in that moment I felt this overwhelming peace and almost a voice that said “You are taken care of”. At that point I felt an overwhelming push to get out of the car, and after what seemed like forever I finally did, much to the police's dismay. I watched them remove Josiah from the car and then they laid me down…We were both (Josiah and I) put in ambulances and he was taken by Life Flight to Children’s Mercy as quickly as they could. The sweet lady, Debbie, took down Sarah’s number and kept in touch with her so she would know where they were taking him since I couldn’t be with him.

*As I type right now I can only cry as I see God’s mighty hand working and bringing peace.

I laid in the ambulance for at least an hour waiting for another Life Flight to take me to Overland Park and the entire time scripture poured out of my heart and into my mind. This is what God gave me that day…”Oh Lord you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise, you perceive my thoughts from afar…” (Ps 139) Over and over that scripture flooded my mind and brought peace. I knew that things were not ok at that point, I kept asking the lady in the ambulance if Ian was ok and she would just pat my cheek and tell me it was going to be ok, but she was crying. I knew then deep down...

God is faithful…

In the Emergency Room I begged that someone tell me what was going on with Ian but they didn’t want to do anything without family there. Finally I pleaded and a group of them came in to tell me what I already knew…and yet there was peace.
Shari came, Nanny, Kyle and after what seemed like an eternity…Mom and Dad with Sharon and Sean and Jill. Julie and JoeDel on the their way to their honeymoon, bless their hearts.
All I wanted was to get to my baby and they finally let me go.
We got to Children’s Mercy and we were met by Jason, Chris and Adrienne from Metro East, Eric and Jenny, Philip and Rachel…such blessings. It was a night of little sleep and much prayer for my baby boy

Thank you God for healing him.

Here we are three years later.

Why am I sharing this?? There is a fear in each of us that we will be left alone. Here is what we forget: We are NEVER alone. God promises us that He will never leave us or forsake us. Nothing happens by chance.

The lady on the side of the road…swerved to miss our car and ran hers into the fence on the side of the highway. She was a believer and she gave the ultimate gift to me that day…prayer and the comfort of knowing someone was with my baby when I couldn’t be.

God is so good.

I want to tell you that in the days that followed I realized that God put a hedge of protection around my eyes that day. I didn’t see anything, nothing registered in my memory. I didn’t look at Ian’s face or the car or the outside scene. There was enough that I did see and God knew I couldn’t do anymore.

Thank you, Father.

The blanket that I put in the window, shielded Josiah from so much broken glass…

God our protector.

The thing that Ian was most uncomfortable with was his weight…and yet God even used that. Josiah’s car seat was behind Ian’s seat and he took the entire blow of the semi, sparing my precious son….

Thank you, Jesus.

My side of the car appeared normal and it looked like their had been a bubble surrounding Josiah in the back seat, I can not say that was luck, or chance.

The song that was playing as we drove to Children’s Mercy that night was Newsong’s Rescue and that is one reason I picked it for his service. Here is a snapshot of the words:

I need to you, Jesus, to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There’s no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with Grace
I will follow You.

He gives us what we need when we need it. His mercy is new every morning. He knows when we sit and when we rise. He knows the days ordained for us before we are even born. He gives and takes away

…blessed be the name of the Lord.

Fear is a constant struggle for all of us, I know that it something that I have to continually confess. But I cling to the Scripture knowing that “God does not give us the spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.”

Three years, some days it seems like a lifetime…Thank you Father that Your power is made perfect in my weakness.